Moving to my new site

Hello everybody!
I am happy to announce the blog reached 10.000 pageviews. Yay!
I am also happy to announce I am moving to my own site, at http://lizbethgabriel.com/
Please come and visit. I will no longer update this blog, but will continue posting on my new site.
Thank you for your support so far, it means the world to me.
See you there!
(You can always contact me at lizbeth@lizbethgabriel.com)

Sataniasis and masturbosity

Source: https://pixabay.com/photos/herbal-tea-cup-tea-relaxation-4232777/

As you probably know, my physical book is no more. My guess is that someone reported it as inappropriate and Creative Space took it down. It baffles me why an overly sensitive reader would buy it since I clearly state in the description they will detest it, but go figure. Conservative types are usually all over inappropriate material faster than flies gather around a corpse. Perhaps they hope to save the rest of us innocent fools from the clutches of diabolical smut by reading it first. Or perhaps they have a metric system and the appropriate gadgets that measure masturbosity and sataniasis in a book. If the gadget starts singing hosannas, it's safe to read. If the gadget screeches like a televangelist is having a colonoscopy sans anesthesia in a moving firetruck, toss that book into the fireplace and wash your eyes and hands with bleach. I mean, seriously now? Oh, I just don't know, and it makes no real difference. The book was no more, period, and Amazon refused to give me the exact details why. Grrr.

Now, much as I wanted to mail to the Amazon KDP headquarters a bomb which would contain hordes of live roaches covered in glitter, I did not. I triple-facepalmed, yelled, fumed, cursed like a sailor, complained to my friends... and pretty much left it at that. It is sad, but one has to choose their battles wisely. So Amazon KDP does not want to re-print my book ever. So what. I'll find another way, I said to myself.

I started looking for an affordable printing company and found one. I decided I'll sell my book through my blog. The ebook is still available on Amazon. If someone wants to buy a physical copy, they will be buying it from me. They may as well ask for a signed copy; I won't charge them extra. 😉 Nowadays everyone has Paypal, and so do I. Paypal protects the buyer if something is lost or not as described. Problem solved... or not.

You see, what I just described is a process. It's not going to happen tomorrow. I hired a graphic designer to do a makeover of my physical book as soon as she has some time. While waiting for that to happen, it was a good opportunity to check the contents. After the graphic designer is done, I won't be able to change the file again, so the stories should be in top-notch condition prior to the makeover. I was pretty certain they were in good shape, as I had hired an editor before publishing it. Right?

(Bit of advice here: never, and I mean never, let your guard down when it comes to checking and re-checking before publishing something. You may have hired an editor. You may have hired an entire team of them. I don't care. Read the damn thing one more time before hitting the publish button. Do it for science. Do it for grandma. Just do it. You will thank me later).

So I re-read the contents, groaned, and decided to unpublish the book in order to make corrections. After three weekends of editing, reading, re-reading, re-editing, rubbing my sore eyes and wishing for death, the book was re-published. The new edition is better than the previous, and it can be found here. If you want to check for yourself what this whole fuss was about and why anyone would go as far as to censor it, be my guest. Reviews have been very good on both Goodreads and Amazon so far, and now the book is even better!

Off to feed the cats. Be good to yourselves and have a lovely weekend!

The Bitch Song

 Witch Song by Amber Argyle

 (2 out of 5 stars)*

Okay, first things first. This is harmless, predictable YA fun. If you want to invest in it to take your mind off things, do. The writing is decent and the world not unlikable. Please ignore the rest of my review.

Now, for readers that might be looking for a serious plot and plausible character development, be advised:

1) The only way your heroine can have such low self-esteem is if her mother kept her in a burlap sack and beat her with a stick every day. A large, mean stick. Which is not the case, as her mother dotes on her.

2) Why on earth why would a dark witch wreck utter havoc with the seasons and the planet in general? She has nothing to gain out of it, and in the long run, it will be like shooting her own leg.

3) You do realise that in a battle between mortals and witches the witches win every time, or they can just escape, right?

4) Nope, a girl with such low self-esteem does not suddenly develop awesome leadership skills. Witches are not an exception to that.

5) A book can be complete even if there is no romance in it. In fact, wonder of wonders, a book can be complete even if your heroine does not get engaged to anyone at the end, or in any part of it.

6) Deus ex machina must be used sparingly and ideally, not at all. If you write yourself into a corner and can't think of a way out, squeeze dem brain cells.

7) Oh yes, it is a series. Naturally. Because every single book has to belong to a series nowadays.

8) Personal pet peeve. Why name your main character Brusenna? Because it has such a good ring to it? Let me think of words that begin with "bru": Brutus, brutal, brouhaha, brunt, bruise, brusque, brute... Melodic no doubt, and all those positive connotations. It was a natural winner. Not.

YA books are my bane... Over and out.

*My star rating and what it means: 

 

Zero stars: Why me?!?  I do come across books that aren't really books, but brain damage in disguise. For reasons you can all understand, I won't be publishing reviews on them. I tend to become enraged and say things I later on regret.

One star: Meh... I didn't like it and won't be keeping it. It might be the book, or it might be me. I'll try to clarify in my review.

Two stars: Average/ Okay. Either the kind of light/ undemanding book you read and don't remember in a month, or suffering from flaws that prevented it from realising its potential.

Three stars: Better than average. Good moments, memorable characters and/ or plot, maybe good sense of humour... Not to die for, but not feeling like you wasted your time and money either.

Four stars: Wow, that was good! Definitely keeping it and checking to see what else I can buy from the same writer.

Five stars: Oh. My. Goodness. The kind of book you buy as a gift to all your friends, praise to random strangers on the bus, and re-read until the pages fall out and the corners are no longer corners, but round.