Idle hands

...are the devil's workshop, so here are some reviews I wrote recently.

Marrying the Marine by Sabrina Sims McAfee (1 out of 5 stars)*

The writing is not bad, it flows easily and evokes beautiful images. The reason I gave it one star? I did not like the heroes and the handling of this story at all. Please skip the rest of this review if you don't like spoilers.

The heroine is a virgin who usually does one of the following three things:

1) Cooks a variety of foods, pies and sweets,

2) takes care of someone/ helps someone,

3) blindly obeys her (clearly insane and backwards) dad.
The hero usually does one of the following three things:

1) Thinks of ways to have sex with the heroine. He also never wears condoms because this is a romance book and how are you going to get the marriage/ child ultimate finale/cliché if he wears condoms, you ignorant fool!?! Sheesh! What do you mean, 'venereal disease'? Is that a kind of pie?
2) is overbearing, juvenile, presumptuous and VERY crude,
3) can't explain why this woman makes him feel so differently, but she does, because reasons.

Quotes:
"His cock sang with electricity, then hardened like steel."
"Best pussy in the world."
"Sperm boiled in his hard spheres."
"I can't wait to sample your pie, he thought, thinking the sweet pie between her legs was probably just as sweet as the pies she baked."
"I'd much prefer friends with benefits," the hero thinks about the heroine. After two paragraphs: "You deserve a good man in your life." (Hm, what? How did we go from thought A to thought B?)
 

If you are still living in the 1950s and you want to read an easy book about a marine who feels extremely smug he was the first sexual partner of a woman (as in woman=object and virgin woman=brand new object, with tags on) then this book will rock your world. If you like your heroines experienced and with a bit of backbone, it will probably make you wince.

Ham on Rye by Charles Bukowski (3 out of 5 stars)*

Honest, raw, unpleasantly truthful and without artificial flair. I enjoyed it, although it gives no answers and has no conclusion. Real life is often like that; inconclusive and without clear answers. Offers the reader a sneak peek into the mind of the writer, his personality, and the circumstances that shaped him. It's crude and violent and sad. At the same time, the writer remains deeply human in spite of his disillusionment and disgust for the human race, and keeps struggling to find his way in a less than perfect world.

Legends: Eleven New Works by the Masters of Modern Fantasy by Robert Silverberg (editor) (4 out of 5 stars)*

    

Really enjoyed this one. I haven't read any of the so-called modern classics of the genre, and this anthology was a perfect collection of characteristic samples. Each story gave me a glimpse of the author's world and familiarised me with their writing style. I already know and love S. King, T. Pratchett and U. LeGuin, but had not read any of the rest until I read this book.

If possible, I like to discover my compatibility with an author before I buy one of their longer books, and this anthology was perfect for that purpose. For example, I was pleasantly surprised by Orson Scott Card. If I had simply read the description of his world and heroes, I wouldn't have bought his books. I am not particularly drawn to a mixture of magic and America of the civil war era as a setting. However, after reading his short story I was completely captivated. On the other hand, I can't follow the writing style of Robert Jordan at all, and his short story gave me the opportunity to discover it. Which is a pity as he is a very popular writer, but I am happy to know he's not for me before buying yet another book I won't enjoy.

The rest of the short stories are good, or very good. Even the more mediocre ones gave me a coherent sense of the writer's world. I could tell that these worlds had taken years to be created. They had been tended and grown and perfected like gardens, with constant care, a steady hand, devotion, timing and lots of weeding, to discriminate what worked and what didn't. Under this light, I can understand why these writers are considered masters of modern fantasy. The complexity and depth of their worlds is such that a reader can live inside them. On the contrary, this lack of solid foundation is the reason I usually don't enjoy Paranormal Romance and YA very much. When I read fiction, I need to immerse myself into a world that won't come apart at the seams if I start asking questions. The writers of this anthology have built solid worlds. Most PR and YA novels I've read offer a slightly different version of reality that does not exist on its own right. It's more of a backdrop for the romance or the adventure to take place, than an actual creation. If I keep reading with an open mind, I am sure I’ll discover some delightful exceptions to that rule, too, and I can’t wait.

*My star rating and what it means: 

 

Zero stars: Why me?!?  I do come across books that aren't really books, but brain damage in disguise. For reasons you can all understand, I won't be publishing reviews on them. I tend to become enraged and say things I later on regret.

One star: Meh... I didn't like it and won't be keeping it. It might be the book, or it might be me. I'll try to clarify in my review.

Two stars: Average/ Okay. Either the kind of light/ undemanding book you read and don't remember in a month, or suffering from flaws that prevented it from realising its potential.

Three stars: Better than average. Good moments, memorable characters and/ or plot, maybe good sense of humour... Not to die for, but not feeling like you wasted your time and money either.

Four stars: Wow, that was good! Definitely keeping it and checking to see what else I can buy from the same writer.

Five stars: Oh. My. Goodness. The kind of book you buy as a gift to all your friends, praise to random strangers on the bus, and re-read until the pages fall out and the corners are no longer corners, but round.

Looking for a title

I am looking for a title for my SF Romance novel and brainstorming with my illustrator on a possible cover. Naturally, I decided to browse covers and titles in Amazon. Here are some titles I found.

·         Desired By The Alien

·         Seduced By The Alien

·         Stolen By The Alien

·         Bought By The Alien

·         Caressed By The Savage Alien

·         Chosen by the Alien

·         Chosen By The Alien Lord

·         Releasing Rage (Cyborg Sizzle Book 1)

·         Alien Warrior's Captive Earthling

·         Alien Alpha: (Qetesh Warrior)

·         Rescued By Tordin: Olodian Alien Warrior Romance

·         Alien Warrior (Zerconian Warriors Book 1)

·         Warrior's Mate: A Sci-Fi Shifter Romance

·         Claimed by the Warrior

·         Barbarian Lover

·         Kidnapped by the Alien Barbarians

·         Alien's Innocent Bride

·         Alien Commander's Chosen

I can safely say that I am no wiser than I was before (at least concerning a possible title). My illustrator is none the wiser either. Almost every cover had a headless torso with amazing abs superimposed on a scifi background. Astounding abs, those aliens. I want to be abducted by a savage shapeshifter barbarian alien lord commander too, but maybe tomorrow. Tonight I have to wash my hair.

Dorian's story (or, how I love serial killers)

Have you ever come across photos that make you stop and exclaim, "that's my hero(ine)"? It happens to me sometimes. It's more about the general feeling a face inspires than the face itself. So here is someone who brings to my mind my beautiful predator, Dorian Wilford. A refined, aloof, handsome dark-haired man with several preoccupations that include antiques, pocket watches and murder. He's a creature of wild passions that run both hot and cold, and he's as likely to dismiss you as he is to kill you. 

If you'd like to read my (award-winning) short story about secretive, obsessive, insane (?) Dorian, together with a menagerie of other fiction stories that defy categorisation, you can go to my Amazon page and indulge your curiosity and dark appetites. And if you happen to be a member of Amazon prime, you can download my entire ebook for free! The first two stories of my book (Dorian's short story is one of them) are available as a free preview. You can either download them to your ereader or read them online. 

http://www.amazon.com/Theater-Dusk-Short-Story-Collection-ebook/dp/B00HV4584Q/
 
(Please note: I claim no copyright on the advertisement photos I published in this post. Rights belong to their respective owners.)

I feel as if an alien horde has rampaged me.

As I've said before, I need reviews for my book. As a result, I asked a friend if she knew any reviewing blogs. She gave me several google results. I took a look at them and experienced terror. Hundreds of blogs and sites that needed to be checked one by one. I closed the tabs and went away to eat some ice-cream. It's typical reaction when I am overwhelmed. "Yikes!" followed by "Not me. I was just passing by. You are looking for someone else" and walking away.

Today I was struck by the mood to check some of them out. Necessary in order to get reviews, but my head hurts. Let me try and summarise this experience.

Let's say you have a list of blogs. Every blog needs to be searched to locate the submission guidelines. After you find the link, you need to verify that the specific blog does accept the genre your book belongs to, and that the blog owner does accept submissions at this time (some blogs are temporarily closed to submissions). Some blogs accept only hard copies, which means they won't do a review unless you mail them a physical book. Others don't accept self-published authors (that's me, hi there.) If you pass that stage, you have to compose an email with everything the blog owner needs in order to consider your book for a review. This usually includes your name, title of your work, synopsis/ blurb (that's the description at the back of the book), book cover, publication date, price, your blog, Amazon page, Goodreads page, and your ebook in a specified format. Every blog has different requirements. Some may ask for all those, but more often than not, they will ask for some of those plus a different ebook format so that you don't get bored by doing repetitive work. And needless to say, you have to accompany the above with a polite personal message to the blog owner, explaining who you are, what you want and why you think they would be interested in reading your work. It's called "selling yourself". And yes, if you want reviews (and believe me, if you are an independent publisher through amazon like I am, you desperately want them), then you have to work for it. And no, you are not doing the reviewers a favour, they are. With 260.000 new books coming out in the last three months alone, you need those reviews in order to stand out. You need all the publicity you can get, and then some.

With all that said and done, after a day of sending such emails, all I can do right now is dive into my bed face first and not stir until tomorrow. I will publish a list of reviewing blogs after I am done, to help more writers get a headache. Why not share? It's similar to having a hangover, but without the "drink and make merry" part.

Image source: 
http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=21690&picture=sleeping-in-the-car-seat&large=1

Angels Of The Deep

Angels Of The Deep by Kirby Crow (2 out of 5 stars)

Why two stars? I am torn about this book. Many of its merits turn against it, ending up as flaws. For example:

It has extraordinarily beautiful language. Kirby Crow spins pure magic with her words, making the reader see and feel everything as if they are present. However, the long descriptions slow the book down, to the point of halting action and becoming a chore. Much as I loved the details on decoration and the poetic description of landscapes, the atmosphere etc., from a point onwards I wanted things to happen and the story to move forward.

The atmosphere is stifling, foreboding, bleak. Crow captures the very essence of winter, heavy with hopelessness and despair. This continues relentlessly throughout the story to the point of becoming depressing and sometimes tiring. I often put the book down because I needed a break.

The protagonist, Becket, is miserable and beating himself for his failings and incomprehension of his place in the world. It’s very convincing and it makes you feel for him. You can taste his despair. Unfortunately, this happens for 240 out of 296 pages. So much angst and self-loathing desensitises the reader, and finally succeeds in making them bored and unsympathetic towards Becket. At least that was how I felt.

At one point, another hero thinks of who the protagonist really is and how the entire story has come to be. For almost five pages, we’re given all the details neatly wrapped in that person’s internal monologue. Yes, it is helpful, but I would prefer Crow to give the details through the story itself, rather than amassing so much info in such a straightforward way.

The romance between the two protagonists is a battle of wills that frustrated me more than stimulated me. Every time things were about to heat up, Becket stepped back, drowning in self-denial and shame and plain stubbornness. Moods and mannerisms changed from playful and skillfully seductive to aggressive and condescending in a matter of seconds. There isn’t always a realistic explanation or a smooth transition from intense flirting and absolute openness to anger, denial and irony. I would have preferred a more subtle and even approach. Then again, I didn’t write the book, so what I would have done is a matter of personal preference.

Crow has a very interesting and complex mythology as a background, but the way this mythology is presented is chaotic and often unconvincing, statements conflicting with actual happenings. We learn that Becket belongs to a race that care about themselves only. However, throughout the book Becket exhibits the exact opposite behaviour. I think Crow found the idea plausible as an angle, but didn’t present it in a convincing manner. The other members of the same race appear aloof and uncaring about everything, failing to ignite even a spark of interest in me. They were figures in the background. Even their imminent demise failed to stir any feeling. They felt two dimensional.

To sum up, it is an interesting but uneven read, with strong merits and equally strong flaws. If you enjoy long, dark, lyrical descriptions with an anguished, tortured protagonist, mystery and gore thrown in, you will love it. I struggled through it, loved some moments, hated others. I would suggest trying it out for yourself.

*My star rating and what it means: 

 

Zero stars: Why me?!?  I do come across books that aren't really books, but brain damage in disguise. For reasons you can all understand, I won't be publishing reviews on them. I tend to become enraged and say things I later on regret.

One star: Meh... I didn't like it and won't be keeping it. It might be the book, or it might be me. I'll try to clarify in my review.

Two stars: Average/ Okay. Either the kind of light/ undemanding book you read and don't remember in a month, or suffering from flaws that prevented it from realising its potential.

Three stars: Better than average. Good moments, memorable characters and/ or plot, maybe good sense of humour... Not to die for, but not feeling like you wasted your time and money either.

Four stars: Wow, that was good! Definitely keeping it and checking to see what else I can buy from the same writer.

Five stars: Oh. My. Goodness. The kind of book you buy as a gift to all your friends, praise to random strangers on the bus, and re-read until the pages fall out and the corners are no longer corners, but round.

The Nightmare Factory

The Nightmare Factory by Thomas Ligotti (5 out of 5 stars)

This is the most refined, rampant brain sickness I've ever come across, and it was disguised as a book. Words can't describe the impact of these stories. If you are a fan of Lovecraft, you must read this author. Just keep in mind Ligotti's prose is even more nightmarish, vague and unsettling. It reminded me of an exhausted, fevered man, slowly drowning in quicksand made of leprous, rotting matter, struggling and screaming in vain. The landscape is desolate, swampy, forsaken. Every life born there is born flawed and sick, and serves only involution and degeneration. Each lungful of squirming dirt that man inhales takes root in him, killing him and claiming him, bringing ecstatic visions of death and the other side of Creation. It's the side that serves only the blind, ever-changing void of reason, the Darkness that birthed everything and humans masked it as a benevolent God to retain their sanity. Ligotti sees behind that mask, and brings back gifts meant only for the brave, and those ready to embrace that same void inside them.

Please DON'T read this book if you aren't a hardcore fan of Lovecraft ready to be taken several steps further into madness and decay. Here be dragons. End of transmission. Off to eat cake and hopefully restore a portion of my brain to a semblance of function. 

*My star rating and what it means: 

 

Zero stars: Why me?!?  I do come across books that aren't really books, but brain damage in disguise. For reasons you can all understand, I won't be publishing reviews on them. I tend to become enraged and say things I later on regret.

One star: Meh... I didn't like it and won't be keeping it. It might be the book, or it might be me. I'll try to clarify in my review.

Two stars: Average/ Okay. Either the kind of light/ undemanding book you read and don't remember in a month, or suffering from flaws that prevented it from realising its potential.

Three stars: Better than average. Good moments, memorable characters and/ or plot, maybe good sense of humour... Not to die for, but not feeling like you wasted your time and money either.

Four stars: Wow, that was good! Definitely keeping it and checking to see what else I can buy from the same writer.

Five stars: Oh. My. Goodness. The kind of book you buy as a gift to all your friends, praise to random strangers on the bus, and re-read until the pages fall out and the corners are no longer corners, but round.